The conversation on this FaceBook post got me thinking about the Pleasure vs Pain associations of the mind.
There are people for whom exercise, in any form, is a part of their lifestyle, an energy booster, a way to beat stress, and even a pick-me-up if they are feeling low. They need no external motivations to stay fit. They find new ways and new challenges to get in better shape, become fitter and stay that way.We all know them, they are all around us, and if you are one of them, you have my complete admiration (and also my total bewilderment).
Then there is the other half, people who struggle to wrap their unwilling minds and unmotivated, tired bodies around the 'idea' of exercising, as it is:
a) supposed to give them better health, and they genuinely want to treat their bodies better
b) their doctors have give them enough warnings to fill several filing cabinets and they are left with no other choice
c) now a matter of pride, where they don't understand why they can achieve all career and personal goals in their lives except the one to lose weight, wear those smart, sexy clothes and flaunt their 'complete perfectness' in face of their less successful/smart, but thin friends [this is a dark territory, which we may explore at a later date ;)]
Pleasure vs Pain
During the above mentioned conversation, I got in touch with the fact that this phenomenon has to do with the pleasure/pain association. For the second half, exercising is, or has become, a pain association.
Now this is no rocket science, and the other similarly obvious fact is that we want to avoid pain at any cost. There are many popular theories for explaining this behaviour and most of them fall under the following two categories:
Now this is no rocket science, and the other similarly obvious fact is that we want to avoid pain at any cost. There are many popular theories for explaining this behaviour and most of them fall under the following two categories:
1. We are hard-wired to avoid pain.
2. We are conditioned to avoid pain.
This makes it a design fault. Or does it?
But we are not here to assign blame, we are here to take responsibility. In order to do that, we need to understand what is it exactly that we are avoiding and can we get through it in anyway?
Time to do a little digging. Shovels at the ready!
What feelings are you avoiding?
Most of the feelings that we avoid, tend to fall under the following categories: Fear, Guilt, Shame, Anger. Of course, these can be further defined and refined, but let's go with these now for the sake of simplicity. These feelings drain and tax our already overworked body-mind-energy system, and make us feel tired, unmotivated and well, drained.
1. Fear: This is usually the main reason why we do not wish to embrace change or step out of our comfort zones. Usually, the fear is the fear of fear itself. It is also a fear of the unknown, where you cannot even see the tunnel, let alone the light at the end of it. Some examples of various types of fear:
- Fear of pain
- Fear of failure - especially repeated failure
- Fear of judgement from others, especially loved ones
2. Guilt: Another drain on our energy and depleter of positive energy. Pick your brand of guilt, or add yours to this list:
- Guilt of of paying too much attention to your own self, when you have 'other' duties/tasks
- Guilt of ignoring the 'real' and more important tasks which you could have done in this time
- Guilt of not honouring the commitment to your body
- Guilt of creating 'unnecessary' internal conflict and discomfort
- Guilt of inconveniencing others by your diet plan or exercise routine
- Guilt of not being more active/aware in the first place
3. Shame: Though this can be clubbed with the other two emotions, it is at times so latent and deeply hidden in our system, that I decided to give it a separate space. Some ways in which we experience shame:
- Shame or embarrassment at our current situation - the way we look, how much we weigh etc
- Shame or embarrassment at what other people around you are thinking about you when you workout or diet
- Shame or embarrassment at below zero fitness level when compared to the 'fitness freaks' around you
4. Anger/Frustration: Last but not the least, the sheer frustration of being able to make even a little bit of dent into the huge weight loss goal. Also the anger at not being able do anything about it or constantly failing at achieving the ultimate fitness goal. Some examples:- "I should have been 10 kgs lights LAST YEAR!"
- "I hate diet food!"
- "I hate my body/metabolism/body part!"
- "If only I had ________________" (There is no end to this self-beating).
Dealing with the Drain
After recognising your dominant energy-sucking emotion and/or statement, you may now be able to also know your most recurring pattern of de-motivation. We can now make a strategy to deal with it.
1. Release all fear: Easier said than done. If we could do it by flipping a switch, there would be no fear left in the world. The only way to deal with fear is to be with it. You cannot fight it, or conquer it, or ignore it. It will come back, again and again, till you see it fully. Writing about the fear usually helps. Once you can see the real nature of your fear, you can move past it.
2. Drop all guilt: This feeling is so toxic that you just cannot affirm or positive-think your way out of it. Its like a black hole that slowly sucks you in, before you know it, you are drowning in self-pity and hopelessness. You have recognise your type of guilt, and simply become aware when it strikes you and say a firm NO to it.
3. Make peace with shame: Yes, this works. Be okay about being embarrassed. Who said we have to always feel on top-of-the-world? Let's feel a little bad, and then move on!
4. Anger/Frustration: Anger is actually just the flip side of fear. The more you can watch, you anger, frustration, and/or irritation rising, the better you will be able to understand the true cause of it.
Plugging the Drain
Here are some methods to deal with energy drain on a daily basis.
1. Living in NOW: Nothing is more powerful than this. Just this one method brings back all your depleted energy. When you are in the Now, you are free from memories of past failures, judgements (internal and external), fears (real and imaginary), stress of getting the result (future focus), frustrations and also anger. All you have to do is do what is in front of you.
2. Listening to the body: Our bodies are very, very wise. If you can get better attuned with it, you will always know when to do what - when can you push yourself, when you need to go easy on yourself, when can you indulge, when you must ignore the temptations - it will help you and guide you through it all. This getting in touch with your body exercise will help in this endeavour.
3. Know your WHY: In your quest for fitness, first of all, ask WHY you wish to get fit. The stronger the Why, the better is your chance of sticking to your regime. Try to go deeper than "I want to wear pretty/smart clothes and show my friends I can look good too." There has to be a need to be fit, or you would not be reading this; find out what it is.
4. Don't worry about the HOW: Drawing a guideline for a fitness regime, but hold it lightly. If you are just beginning, please give your system time to get into the groove. If you are not able to do 10 Surya Namaskars on the first day, relax! Do two. The stretch. Then lie down, and focus on the breathing. Come back the next day and try again. Maybe you will do 4 this time. Have goals, but have the flexibility to adjust them according your body's advice in that moment.
Note for beginners or those returning after a long break: Give yourself more time while adjusting to the minor routines of the fitness regime. A person who works out regularly performs the tasks of putting on shoes and socks, getting into the workout gear, laying out the yoga mat, picking up the right dumbbells etc, smoothly and naturally.
They have established their rhythms. You haven't. So relax. Take 10 min to tie your shoes, 15 min to select the dumbbells (regulars, please do not cringe! It is tough for the rest of us!)
4. Be focused, not obsessed: Stop beating yourself for not achieving your goal of the day or missing a day or two. Focus on getting back. Pat yourself on the back for making it one more day. Do not obsess about checking your weight every day and recording every gram you have lost or gained. Check the scale one a week or once a month. A kilogram more or less is not that important in your road to fitness, in fact, it is not the most reliable indicator of your success.
Some resources that I found on the web that can help you stay motivated or answers some more questions:
5. Start With the Physical - Why go after fitness?
6. How to Become an Early Riser - Only if you want to, and are not one already!
For me, few changes have happened only after I have been able to look past some fears and limiting beliefs. It is too early to report any significant results, but will definitely keep you posted.
