Akshay’s Diary May 10, 2005
Hi. I am Akshay. I was named Akshay because I was born on Akshay Tritiya, May 11. This year, too, once more Akshay Tritiya is on May 11. I have a feeling I have reached from where I started…
* * * *
“Good Morning, everyone.” This was the English teacher Miss Surekha.
“Good Morning, ma’m.” This was her 7th grade class.
“So today everyone is ready for the quiz?”
“Yes, ma’m.”
“Noooooooooooooooooooo!”
“Take the test tomorrow!”
Numerous voices with different appeals floated in at once.
“What do you say, Akshay,” Miss Surekha asked, “Today or tomorrow?”
“As you wish, ma’m.” Akshay replied nonchalantly.
“Hm.” Miss Surekha seemed to contemplate. “Then today it is.”
She handed out the quiz to the students amongst the protests. It was multiple choice and presented a lot of opportunities to cheat.
“Akshay, what is the matter with you? Why are you not writing anything? Is anything wrong?”
“Maybe not, ma’m. But is everything alright?”
“What do you mean? Don’t talk in riddles. You are supposed to be one of the brightest students in the class, but that does not mean you can get away with disrespect.” Her voice had become stern.
“I mean that…that…” Akshay’s voice faltered.
Miss Surekha was suddenly aware of the discomfort in Akshay’s voice. She saw that his eyes had brightened and he was blinking back tears.
She softened.
“Tell me, what is bothering you? Is everything at home alright?”
“Of course, ma’m. Its just that…” He shifted his eyes to a far corner on the wall.
“Oh,” Was all Miss Surekha could say. “Come and see me after the class. You have the next lecture free, right?”
Akshay nodded.
“Good. We’ll talk about it then.” She then turned towards the rest of the class,“ Alright everyone, time’s up. Submit your quiz now.”
* * * *
“So Akshay, did you finally find out what exactly was bothering you?”
Akshay nodded.
Miss Surekha sighed. “How long have you suspected?”
“For over a year now, ma’m.”
“Hm-mm.”
“I see the shadows always, but…I…I don’t… ”
“Yes?”
“I don’t always see you.” Akshay exhaled.
“And that bothers you, right? Really, really, bothers you…I can see that.”
“Only because I can imagine how a great teacher and a nice person as yourself must have suffered. I wish I could do something. You have really taught us so much through your innovative ideas…”
Miss Surekha gave a shaky laugh. “Yes. Innovation.”
“…and you are so sensitive to our moods and feelings, just like a mother.”
“Sensitivity. Another crime.”
Seeing the quizzical expression on Akshay’s face, Miss Surekha laughed shakily again, and went on to explain, “After innovation, sensitivity is another crime that teachers should not commit.”
“I am not sure I understand.” Akshay asked in bewilderment.
“Sixty years ago, I used to the very same qualities while teaching a group of young boys from the same family. It was found unacceptable. I was accused of filling their heads with softness. I was called a bad teacher and thrown out of service. They also had the school fire me and sent word across all nearby schools that I was dangerous and incompetent. They were very wealthy and influential. Needless to say, I got rejected from everywhere.” She ended with a melancholic smile.
“But why did they take such a drastic step against a teacher?”
“I don’t know, and I don’t think I ever will. Maybe they just wanted to prove a point, maybe they did not want to be seen bested by a woman…”
“So did you not go back and confront them with the injustice they had done?” Akshay asked in a shocked voice as he found the whole thing quite incredulous.
“There was no time for all that. I just could not think straight. I could not take the humiliation, the rejection, the shame…Everyone calling me unbalanced some even going so far as saying I was a witch! I just could not believe that teaching small children to meditate, to imagine and to encourage them to be more sensitive towards those less privileged than them was such a criminal offense!” The last word carried a note of anguish.
“Wh-what happened?” Akshay could hear the foreboding in his own voice.
Miss Surekha continue in a far away voice, “I had to cross a railway line on my way home. I was so mad at everyone, including myself, my fate, my faith, my God... I just didn’t want to live anymore. At that moment, I wanted to die. Next thing I know, a big black monster is huffing and puffing towards me, and -” Silence reverberated all around. Akshay was stunned.
It seemed forever before Miss Surekha said, “You know, Akshay, I don’t even remember any pain. I got what I wished for, eh?”
“I am so, so sorry.” It summed everything Akshay was feeling.
“So am I. You know, I always think of it as a semi-suicide. ” Miss Surekha chuckled. “So you see, we must be careful about what we wish for, it just might come true.” She concluded dreamily.
“You came here to -”
“I came here to regain my pride. I was not able to cross the threshold knowing I had not believed in myself. I punished myself for a mistake I had not committed. I gave too easily, so I wanted a second chance.”
“If anyone ever deserved a second chance, it was you, ma’m. I am glad you did what you did. We all love you so much, for you have a difference in all out lives.”
“Then I must go.” She said quietly. “I think my time has come. I have been feeling it for some time.”
“Yes.”
And that was enough.
* * * *
Public record has it Miss Surekha Dixit received an urgent telegram to join her widowed, ailing sister in Malaysia
* * * *
Akshay’s Diary May 11, 2005
9.30 p.m.
Miss Surekha left us today. I now know how anyone can be happy and sad together. Mixed emotions, it is called.
CRASH.
“What happened?”
“Something fell in the kitchen.”
“Damn the cat! If it were up to me, I’ll poison her.” Very eloquent is our Mr. Padmakar, Akshay’s father.
Soft laughter, followed by a swift command, “Go back to bed, Akshay, you got school tomorrow.” Epitome of duty – that’s Mrs. Swati Padmakar. After all, this is all that is required of her.
“Yes, Mom. I’ll just have a glass of water and then go.”
Akshay opened the refrigerator and there was water – all over him! It was raining in the kitchen!
“Hi there, little boy. I heard you met a ghost yesterday.”
“Who are you and where are you?” His voice came out calmer than he felt. “And how do you know about it?”
Giggle.
“So you are the cat, huh?” Akshay tried another approach.
“Sure. Where’s my poison?”
“What do you need poison for?”
Silence.
“C’mon. Tell me.”
[That’s another story. Stay tuned.]
Update: Sequel to this story - What is love?
