What is love?

Sequel to "Life is..." published before

************************************************************

“Poison. So this is what you really want?”

Silence.

“I don’t seem to have a choice.” Akshay could hear the almost smile in her voice. “Sounds pretty clichéd, huh?”

I think this is what is known as a dark sense of humour, thought Akshay gloomily.

“So what happened? Did you poison someone?”

“Not really, Sherlock. I poisoned...myself!”

“But why?”

“I...I – I don’t know...I really don’t know...”

“Why don’t you begin at the beginning?”

“Okay.”

* * * * * *

“Neena, Neena....Where are you? Oh c’mon now...Leave the kitchen for a minute and come out...I have got something for you!!NEE--NA-H!! WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU?”

“Easy, easy, Big Boy, easy! I was in the bathroom, taking a bath. So what’s the big surprise?”

“I got the biggest promotion there is! We are going away, for at least ten years. Many people were trying for this job, but in then end...”

“... the best man won", completed Neena with an adoring smile.

Archit smiled back and looked into his loving wife’s eyes and said, “Well, I guess I turned out to be better than the best.”

End of Chapter One.

* * * * * *

New York. Bright lights. Parties. Lavish condo. Expensive restaurants.

So this is how it feels like to have all the money you would ever want. Not for a even one minute I regret not completing my medical degree. Contrary to modern beliefs, I am not very career oriented. My friends used to say I have lofty ideals and contradictory set of principles; some even called me a hypocrite, but what the heck! This is who I am, and I like being me!

I am walking on air...I have the most attentive husband, the most luxurious home, best of everything that money could buy...

But...but what about the things that money cannot buy? Like love? But I have love, don't I? 
What about intimacy then? I am not sure about that. He doesn’t share everything with me.
Attention? I can’t possibly complain there...unexpected flowers, impromptu gifts, dresses...What more could a girl ask for?

A smile crept on her face - girl, indeed!! I am 35, definitely not a girl anymore...I was one when I married him 10 years ago, but now...

Life in this neighbourhood has been mostly rewarding. Only off late, some stories of kidnapping, children not returning home school have been coming to my attention. Weird, I thought! No place is safe anymore. Then I remembered Archit telling me about one of his colleague’s daughter, who also did not return from school...

A sharp pang went through her spine – Archit! Ten years of marriage and no children. Is this what is missing? Is this why I don’t yet feel like a woman? Will his love change now that I my biological clock hardly has any time left on it?

Then it came to her as a flash...the dull pain intensified...sudden explosion...

IS THERE ANOTHER WOMAN?

Can this be true? Oh my God!! Is he simply making up for his unfaithfulness through attention and gifts?

NO!!!

* * * * * *

“And that, Akshay, was the beginning of a long spell of paranoia and rage and jealousy. Nothing lasts forever - definitely not Paradise. I had found my serpent in the Garden of Eden.”

“Hm,” said Akshay. “Interesting. But somehow, you don’t seem like the paranoid type. What really happened, Neena?

“I drove him crazy. We had these insane fights where we would shout at each other and throw things at each other. I did everything possible to make him admit his affairs with other women. I even went out on a so-called date with other man. But I left half way through, went for a long walk to nowhere and then returned home.”

Silence. For a minute Akshay thought Neena has left. Maybe her confession was the path towards her freedom, still he kept on waiting for some strange reason. He could almost hear the clock ticking in the next room.

After five minutes, which seemed more like fifty, Neena spoke again, “You know something, everything comes with a price tag attached to it. You have the free will to do as you please, as long as you keep the payment up. If you think you can getaway with something without paying for it, you are living in the worst illusion possible.

“I brought hell into someone’s life who was my husband. That night, I had come back with a decision that I will let go of all the anger, I will give ourselves another chance...But I forgot...my payment was catching up with me... ”

“I don’t understand...” Akshay was confused...Man, this is one philosophical ghost, he thought!

“Well, you see, my husband was waiting for me right there that night. Somebody had told him that his wife out with someone that night. He might be the best husband in the world, but he definitely had fixed ideas about how his wife should behave! ”

Akshay nodded in the dark, not sure what to say. He was old enough to understand conflict between husband and wife, but some of the emotions expressed by this sprit smothered in philosophy were still beyond his reach.

Neena continued, "I remember it like yesterday...He was just sitting there in dim light sipping his drink. ..”

* * * * * *

Chapter two begins.

“So finally you have come back to grace out humble home. After all, what does a little disgrace to the poor husband matter in the face of some fun, huh?”

Archit went all politically correct when angry. I felt like laughing, this was so absurd.

“I just went out to clear my head,” Neena said.

“Ahhhhhh! What a way to clear your head! Sex as glorified Aspirin!! You amaze me, Neena. I know I have always called you an amazing woman but this...What have I done to deserve this? Had your fictional affairs? Haven’t you done enough checking and cross-checking? Did you find any evidence to pronounce me guilty?”

Neena shifted a little.” How-how did you find out about the checking?”

Archit moved towards her, looked her in the eye and replied with gritted teeth, “Next time you choose to spy on your husband, do not employ his acquaintances for doing your dirty work.”

That double-crossing, lying, smooth talking piece of shit!! Mr Private Eye, aka, sympathetic listener. Wait till I get my hands on you, thought Neena.

Suddenly something dawned on her,” What do you mean next time when I spy on my husband...are you – are you...” She couldn’t bring herself to say it. “You really think I did what you think I did?”

Archit did not reply. He turned to re-fill his glass.

SLAM!!!

The door slammed behind him and Neena was gone.

Archit stood there rooted to his spot for sometime and then a kind of fear seized him. What if she goes out and starts saying things...He COULD say she is crazy, but still people will always laugh behind his back.

He went out in her search. He looked into restaurants, 24-hour super markets, cafes...she was nowhere to be found. Finally, in the wee hours, he went to a little place in the nearby park, where he used to go for thinking.

She was there...lying stiff with cold, barely alive. She had stayed outside whole night, without any warm clothes.

* * * * * *

”The hospital did its best to save me. They tried and tried. Archit was like a madman not able to understand why I was not waking up from my coma. Then I did come back. He was allowed to see me for five minutes.”

* * * * * *

“Hi Neena.”

Neena turned her face on the other side.

“I am not here to say anything. I am sorry I hurt you and didn’t trust you...”

“It doesn’t mater anymore, Archit. I will be gone in next few days and then you will be free to do whatever you want. ”

“God, Neena!! You still think I was having affairs with women -”

Neena interrupted, “No, I know you were not having affairs with any women. I just want you to be free of all this, that’s all. I want to be free too. ”

She turned towards him and smiled weakly, “Do I rate a goodbye hug?”

Archit didn’t say anything, he just moved towards her to give her a hug. Suddenly he felt cold and then peaceful. He looked down, Neena was gone. He too felt himself growing weary, finally his legs gave away.

Joined together in life as in death – thus reads the writing on the wall of a memorial that their friends and family have erected in their memory.

* * * * * *

“Okay, so you both died together? So what was the story? I thought you came here to confess and not to hide truth behind sad stories.”

“But the truth is so ugly.”

“How do you know that? Have you ever faced it?”

Silence.

“Not saying something will not make it go away, Neena.”

Silence.

Akshay sighed,” You killed him, didn’t you? You knew just where to put the small surgical knife. You were a medical student before marriage, right?”

Silence.

“C’mon Neena, you need to – “

“I had to.” Neena said quietly. “Remember I told you there were robberies and kidnapping going on in our neighbourhood and that one of Archit’s colleague’s 12-year old daughter, Karen, was abducted and was never seen again?”

“Yes, I remember.”

“Also, I said I was having him checked through a private eye?”

“Yes.”

“He found evidence against him, but he was not meeting women and having affairs with them. He was meeting small children in orphanages and hospitals. I thought my husband is so great and kind that he is volunteering.

“Then I found this photo of him meeting Karen the day she disappeared. He had said he was going away for business but he was meeting her, picking her from her school. I couldn’t believe it!! I started putting time of kidnappings and Archit’s business tours together...He used to be away during the same time some kidnapping use to take place. I also had a suspicion that his shady friends were in someway or the other involved in landing him this job. I remember him saying that the best man won. I really wondered...

“Then by sheer luck I found a disk in his briefcase, must have fallen out or something. Then I learned, he was not only raping these young children, he was also selling them to flesh traffickers. I was disgusted!!! But I could not go to the police. So I devised this plan. I told the private eye I was going to sleep with someone to get back at him. I knew his ego will bring him in the house. I then made sure I went to the hospital by sitting in the cold and taking something to make myself ill.

“After that, it was as you said...I then took the poison pill I had concealed in my wrist watch and waited for death. People thought we died with each other, u know by mutual consent, he gave me poison and I stabbed him, there were many speculations, some weird, some impossible," Neena said with a chuckle.

She continued, "I always thought I committed a double murder, maybe that’s why I just could not cross the threshold...”

“Or was it because you just could not face the truth?”

“That my husband was a paedophile and flesh trader?”

“That you took the easy way out.”

Silence.

“You said you wanted to spare your husband the persecution, the humiliation and the prison sentence that he would have received as the worst kind of criminal. But maybe you were sparing yourself all the pain? After all, you would have gone through all that too and you also would have been the one to rat on him. Maybe your guilt is not the double murder, but your dilemma whether you did the right thing? ”

Silence again.

“Neena, it now or never. Its time to let-go of your pseudo-righteousness, which you have held on to even in death.”

“You are right.” This time there was no hesitation. “I now understand. I also understand that you cannot drop a belief on your own. You have to SEE through it, and it will drop by itself. Thanks for helping me see.”

Silence.

But this time Akshay went out of the kitchen, for he knew, this was permanent.