A poem: Something I wrote a few days back

Desolation

I sit here
All alone
Feeling as if
All is gone

Nothing to do
Nothing left to see
I am tired ---
Just as the streets would have been
Had they had to listen
To everyone walking over them.

Exercise: Pleasure or Pain

The conversation on this FaceBook post got me thinking about the Pleasure vs Pain associations of the mind. 

There are people for whom exercise, in any form, is a part of their lifestyle, an energy booster, a way to beat stress, and even a pick-me-up if they are feeling low. They need no external motivations to stay fit. They find new ways and new challenges to get in better shape, become fitter and stay that way.

We all know them, they are all around us, and if you are one of them, you have my complete admiration (and also my total bewilderment).

Then there is the other half, people who struggle to wrap their unwilling minds and unmotivated, tired bodies around the 'idea' of exercising, as it is: 

a) supposed to give them better health, and they genuinely want to treat their bodies better 

b) their doctors have give them enough warnings to fill several filing cabinets and they are left with no other choice

c) now a matter of pride, where they don't understand why they can achieve all career and personal goals in their lives except the one to lose weight, wear those smart, sexy clothes and flaunt their 'complete perfectness' in face of their less successful/smart, but thin friends [this is a dark territory, which we may explore at a later date ;)]

Pleasure vs Pain

During the above mentioned conversation, I got in touch with the fact that this phenomenon has to do with the pleasure/pain association. For the second half, exercising is, or has become, a pain association.

Now this is no rocket science, and the other similarly obvious fact is that we want to avoid pain at any cost. There are many popular theories for explaining this behaviour and most of them fall under the following two categories:

1. We are hard-wired to avoid pain.

2. We are conditioned to avoid pain.

This makes it a design fault. Or does it? 

But we are not here to assign blame, we are here to take responsibility. In order to do that, we need to understand what is it exactly that we are avoiding and can we get through it in anyway?

Time to do a little digging. Shovels at the ready!

What feelings are you avoiding?

Most of the feelings that we avoid, tend to fall under the following categories: Fear, Guilt, Shame, Anger. Of course, these can be further defined and refined, but let's go with these now for the sake of simplicity. These feelings drain and tax our already overworked body-mind-energy system, and make us feel tired, unmotivated and well, drained. 

1. Fear: This is usually the main reason why we do not wish to embrace change or step out of our comfort zones. Usually, the fear is the fear of fear itself. It is also a fear of the unknown, where you cannot even see the tunnel, let alone the light at the end of it. Some examples of various types of fear: 

• Fear of pain
• Fear of failure - especially repeated failure
• Fear of judgement from others, especially loved ones

2. Guilt: Another drain on our energy and depleter of positive energy. Pick your brand of guilt, or add yours to this list:

• Guilt of of paying too much attention to your own self, when you have 'other' duties/tasks
• Guilt of ignoring the 'real' and more important tasks which you could have done in this time
• Guilt of not honouring the commitment to your body
• Guilt of creating 'unnecessary' internal conflict and discomfort 
• Guilt of inconveniencing others by your diet plan or exercise routine 
• Guilt of not being more active/aware in the first place

3. Shame: Though this can be clubbed with the other two emotions, it is at times so latent and deeply hidden in our system, that I decided to give it a separate space. Some ways in which we experience shame: 

• Shame or embarrassment at our current situation - the way we look, how much we weigh etc
• Shame or embarrassment at what other people around you are thinking about you when you workout or diet
• Shame or embarrassment at below zero fitness level when compared to the 'fitness freaks' around you

4. Anger/Frustration: Last but not the least, the sheer frustration of being able to make even a little bit of dent into the huge weight loss goal. Also the anger at not being able do anything about it or constantly failing at achieving the ultimate fitness goal. Some examples:

• "I should have been 10 kgs lights LAST YEAR!"
• "I hate diet food!"
• "I hate my body/metabolism/body part!"
• "If only I had ________________" (There is no end to this self-beating).

Dealing with the Drain

After recognising your dominant energy-sucking emotion and/or statement, you may now be able to also know your most recurring pattern of de-motivation. We can now make a strategy to deal with it. 

1. Release all fear: Easier said than done. If we could do it by flipping a switch, there would be no fear left in the world. The only way to deal with fear is to be with it. You cannot fight it, or conquer it, or ignore it. It will come back, again and again, till you see it fully. Writing about the fear usually helps. Once you can see the real nature of your fear, you can move past it. 

2. Drop all guilt: This feeling is so toxic that you just cannot affirm or positive-think your way out of it. Its like a black hole that slowly sucks you in, before you know it, you are drowning in self-pity and hopelessness. You have recognise your type of guilt, and simply become aware when it strikes you and say a firm NO to it.

3. Make peace with shame: Yes, this works. Be okay about being embarrassed. Who said we have to always feel on top-of-the-world? Let's feel a little bad, and then move on!

4. Anger/Frustration: Anger is actually just the flip side of fear. The more you can watch, you anger, frustration, and/or irritation rising, the better you will be able to understand the true cause of it.  

Plugging the Drain

Here are some methods to deal with energy drain on a daily basis.

1. Living in NOW: Nothing is more powerful than this. Just this one method brings back all your depleted energy. When you are in the Now, you are free from memories of past failures, judgements (internal and external), fears (real and imaginary), stress of getting the result (future focus), frustrations and also anger. All you have to do is do what is in front of you. 

2. Listening to the body: Our bodies are very, very wise. If you can get better attuned with it, you will always know when to do what - when can you push yourself, when you need to go easy on yourself, when can you indulge, when you must ignore the temptations - it will help you and guide you through it all. This getting in touch with your body exercise will help in this endeavour. 

3. Know your WHY: In your quest for fitness, first of all, ask WHY you wish to get fit. The stronger the Why, the better is your chance of sticking to your regime. Try to go deeper than "I want to wear pretty/smart clothes and show my friends I can look good too." There has to be a need to be fit, or you would not be reading this; find out what it is. 

4. Don't worry about the HOW: Drawing a guideline for a fitness regime, but hold it lightly. If you are just beginning, please give your system time to get into the groove. If you are not able to do 10 Surya Namaskars on the first day, relax! Do two. The stretch. Then lie down, and focus on the breathing. Come back the next day and try again. Maybe you will do 4 this time. Have goals, but have the flexibility to adjust them according your body's advice in that moment.

Note for beginners or those returning after a long break: Give yourself more time while adjusting to the minor routines of the fitness regime. A person who works out regularly performs the tasks of putting on shoes and socks, getting into the workout gear, laying out the yoga mat, picking up the right dumbbells etc, smoothly and naturally. 

They have established their rhythms. You haven't. So relax. Take 10 min to tie your shoes, 15 min to select the dumbbells (regulars, please do not cringe! It is tough for the rest of us!)

4. Be focused, not obsessed: Stop beating yourself for not achieving your goal of the day or missing a day or two. Focus on getting back. Pat yourself on the back for making it one more day. Do not obsess about checking your weight every day and recording every gram you have lost or gained. Check the scale one a week or once a month. A kilogram more or less is not that important in your road to fitness, in fact, it is not the most reliable indicator of your success. 

5. Trust in yourself: If you are like me, you have a history of failed diets and exercise regimes behind you. If yes, then it may be difficult for you to trust in your own ability to achieve any modicum of success. Trust anyway. After all, who know you better than you? And who else is most interested in seeing you in that fit and fabulous avatar?

Some resources that I found on the web that can help you stay motivated or answers some more questions:

1. 4 Tips for Getting in Touch with Your Body Wisdom

2. How to Effectively Listen to Your Body’s Needs

3. 17 Fitness Truths To Get You In Great Shape

4. The Rules of the Unbelievable Lightness of Being Club

5. Start With the Physical - Why go after fitness?

6. How to Become an Early Riser - Only if you want to, and are not one already!

7. 10 Simple Floor Exercises

8. Body Weight Workout

For me, few changes have happened only after I have been able to look past some fears and limiting beliefs. It is too early to report any significant results, but will definitely keep you posted. 

Two beautiful poems

This week I have been going back again and again to these two poems. The first one, To My Diary (on a dull day), is by Scottish poet William Soutar, who is considered one of the finest Scot poets ever. This poem is from his collection of poems recorded in his journal, The Diary of a Dying Man, which was published after his death. Here's the poem:

‘TO MY DIARY (on a dull day)

Since verse has power to give a grace
Even to the commonplace
I shall, within a rhyme, declare
The cupboard of my mind is bare
Not only of an underdone
Cutlet of thought; the very bone
Of prosy platitude is gone.
And since for you, my hungry hound,
No meaty morsel can be found;
And since I would not have you own
A master who could proffer none,
I bleed myself to be your drink:
Is not the blood of poets - ink?’

-- William Soutar (The Diary of a Dying Man)

The second one is one I found on Facebook. It is by Oriah. It just caught hold of me and drew me in, and before I knew it, I was drowned and mesmerized. 

Usually, I am not very easily drawn into a poem. I am very careful, and I keep stepping around the edges and resist the emotions that the poem is trying to lure me into, all because I want my own feelings to be the first ones that I experience, and then in the second reading, I am ready to dive in with what was intended. 

Sounds contrived? What can say? Writers are the most discerning readers :) 

Here is the most fluid poetry I have read in a long, long time:

'The Invitation

It doesn’t interest me

what you do for a living.

I want to know

what you ache for

and if you dare to dream

of meeting your heart’s longing.

It doesn’t interest me

how old you are.

I want to know

if you will risk

looking like a fool

for love

for your dream

for the adventure of being alive.

It doesn’t interest me

what planets are

squaring your moon...

I want to know

if you have touched

the centre of your own sorrow

if you have been opened

by life’s betrayals

or have become shrivelled and closed

from fear of further pain.

I want to know

if you can sit with pain

mine or your own

without moving to hide it

or fade it

or fix it.

I want to know

if you can be with joy

mine or your own

if you can dance with wildness

and let the ecstasy fill you

to the tips of your fingers and toes

without cautioning us

to be careful

to be realistic

to remember the limitations

of being human.

It doesn’t interest me

if the story you are telling me

is true.

I want to know if you can

disappoint another

to be true to yourself.

If you can bear

the accusation of betrayal

and not betray your own soul.

If you can be faithless

and therefore trustworthy.

I want to know if you can see Beauty

even when it is not pretty

every day.

And if you can source your own life

from its presence.

I want to know

if you can live with failure

yours and mine

and still stand at the edge of the lake

and shout to the silver of the full moon,

“Yes.”

It doesn’t interest me

to know where you live

or how much money you have.

I want to know if you can get up

after the night of grief and despair

weary and bruised to the bone

and do what needs to be done

to feed the children.

It doesn’t interest me

who you know

or how you came to be here.

I want to know if you will stand

in the centre of the fire

with me

and not shrink back.

It doesn’t interest me

where or what or with whom

you have studied.

I want to know

what sustains you

from the inside

when all else falls away.

I want to know

if you can be alone

with yourself

and if you truly like

the company you keep

in the empty moments.'

-- Oriah © Mountain Dreaming (from the book The Invitation)

Images from the internet. No copyright infringement intended.

What prosperity means to me (Part 2)

So in this post I talked about the prosperity workshop that I attended.

Now I want to share my visions of prosperity. They are a mix of lots of small things and big things. But above all, they are about the feeling of joy, "connectedness" and content that they create. The feeling "being home", and not having the need to go anywhere else to rest.

And this happens, this moment, not in the future.

You never arrive at a destination in the future. It all happens now.

The big things are obvious - friends, family, great work, great house, car, and so on. But how about the small and everyday things? Of course we are grateful for the people in our lives every single day, but we lose sight of this gratefulness in the everyday grind of living and may forget to express active gratitude for all the goodness around us. So how to stay in gratitude and access the state without having to take a step back and look at the big picture.

On a daily basis, I like to take joy in the small things as well, and trust that the bigger things will take care of themselves. This deepens my appreciation for everything - big or small.

I like to think that the small joys are governed by some UnderGods who have these small Angels who are responsible for the little miracles and everyday smiles. They work wirelessly and are very under-appreciated, but they don't care and they keep looking at our lives, looking to find small, tiny gaps through which they can slip us some unexpected joy, bits of laughter, moments of pure ecstasy.

When all these bits and pieces of bliss are taken together or all added up, make our lives seem like one big bag of Happy and Lucky, and life does not seem to be as sad and dreary as we think it is. So it seems like a good thought, doesn't it?

So here's my list of small, everyday joys for each I am eternally grateful:

1. Early mornings

2. My cats

3. Sunsets from my balcony

4. My terrace garden

5. My phone

6. Moon!

7. Oats for breakfast or evening meal

8. This mandala by Anshu

9. This picture courtesy Manisha and Suraj

10. My red shoes

11. Garfield

12. Conversations

13. Books

14. Coffee

15. Wind in my hair!

And trust me, I am just getting started here.

What does your list look like?

What prosperity means to me (Part 1)

I attended this prosperity workshop on 9th October. It was conducted by Manisha, whom I have known for a long time and who has been there as a source of both light and delight for quite some time now.

As someone who has been on the Path for a while, and who has chosen to be a Tarot Reader and Healer, prosperity is something that comes as one of the first areas of life that needs attention.

Now I know to recognise and appreciate my current state of prosperity - I have never experienced any real lack of the essentials in life, I have been in a good environment and with good people always, and family has always been very supportive, even if a little nuts at times.

But somewhere, I have always struggled with the notion that I need to be able to cross a certain, shall we say, milestones(?) or markers in my professional life in order to be able to say out loud that "hey, this is what I do, and I good at it, and I am going to continue doing it." Thankfully, in this workshop, some lingering doubts and non-existent fears of "not being able to keep up with my desires" disappeared. An old, forgotten dream surfaced again, and I know that that is where I am headed.

All the learnings did not happen in that one day; that day I was able to open new doors, close the ones that were no longer functional, and was able to plant the right kind of seeds for my future prosperity. Some insights are coming in even now, and I am sure will continue for the next 3-4 months. Yes, that is how deep this workshop was! :)

So what did I learn in this workshop about prosperity? Here's some insights:

1. Prosperity only happens in the now. I cannot feel prosperous tomorrow. There cannot be a gap in "feeling" - the feeling happens now, which creates the vibrations required to attract the desired prosperity. This is why the rich get richer, and the poorer get poorer. The "feeling" of being rich or poor creates the ground zero for similar feelings to come in and descend.

2. Beliefs can be changed. Whatever does not work can be thrown away and new, more supporting things can be brought in. All you need is the courage to identify and then let go of any damaging belief. Easier said than done, but hey, there is not much choice if you are committed to the change. And that brings me to the third point.

3. Commitment to change. Get committed about what you want and really want it. Old patterns are difficult to let go as they are comfortable, like a security blanket. But if it limiting and no longer serves you, you have to decide to let go and then do so. This one single thing can make all the difference in living a life and living the best life possible - the one that you deserve.

I choose to feel prosperous right now.

I enjoy the better things in life and I am grateful for all that I have and for my ability to enjoy them.

I am grateful for the people I have in my life to share them.

Are you, too?

Count your blessings, touch your loved ones and lovely things frequently with reverence. All that brings joy to you, brings you closer to your dreams.

Commit to your dream.

Related post
What prosperity means to me (Part 2)

Putting an idea into action: why the process is so important

So it has been almost 20 days since my last post! Now of course I have been busy putting up my website and all, but still this is one of my priorities, so I need to show up here more.

Now this does not mean that I did not write anything this past 20 days. I have some posts in draft folder, but nothing published. So this means, essentially I have not posted anything in 20 days. The drafts don't count here. Sure, they count in my writing quota, but because they were not published, they have no life. They are in limbo.

This is not about having something to show - I do not need to prove anything to anyone. This is purely about finishing things that I start and having the commitment and drive to create, shape, and ship. When I get into this habit of following this curve, my creativity is satisfied and I have the ability to put more things "out there". Why? Because that is what I do.

When I write and publish more, the process triggers more inspiration, and more creative thought. The goal is not to be perfect all the time. The goal is to recognize the spark, give it a platform, watch it unfold into something totally unexpected and ultimately allow it to take flight when it is published. I cannot just keep these things within me or put them in draft-folder cage and leave them there. It is my responsibility to ensure that they get their flight. It is their right. The spark need to be put out in the open, in the best way possible for that time, then what happens to it after it comes in contact with air - whether if becomes a big fire, goes out, turns into something else - is its own destiny.

They came from nothing, turn into something and then they expand and sometimes go beyond being just an idea or a group of words. And sometimes they don't. And that's okay. The process is more important. 

Blog Marathon Post 30. Last post of the marathon

Today is the last day of the blog marathon. I am happy, and totally proud of myself for keeping this promise to myself. 

Today I am also in a workshop for balancing my energy. The place where I am, it's beautiful and very soothing. The rain is amazing and is making the entire experience exceptional. The people are all fellow walkers and the space is awesome. 

Here is a pic of the place. I will write more about the workshop later.